


pinky promise

by aanarchy (orphan_account)



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Josh Dun, Complete, Complicated Relationships, Dialogue-Only, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Self-Hatred, Short, Suicidal Thoughts, i worked really hard on this but if you have constructive criticism i would very much like that, sad ending tbh, well mostly dialogue-only
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-03
Updated: 2017-04-03
Packaged: 2018-10-12 23:46:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10501980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/aanarchy
Summary: "hey joshie?""yeah?""do you think you'll like-like me forever?""yeah""pinky promise?""pinky promise"





	

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys,, this is my first work here,, i put a lot of thought into it so i hope you guys like it  
> (sorry if there are any mistakes aH)  
> -cristina

"hi you're the new kid right?"

"josh"

"wanna play tag with me and my friends, josh?"

"sure! who are you?"

"i'm tyler! and i think jenna is it so you better run!"

"who's jenna?! aH-"

"JOSH IS IT!"

-

"ty, how do you spell 'leaf'?"

"l-e-e-f i think"

"thanks"

"i always have your back josh"

"pinky promise?"

"pinky promise"

-

"my mom said we have to go to bed because it's already 11:30"

"but josh i'm scared of the dark, can we keep the lights on? please?"

"i have these really cool stars on my ceiling. look ty, when you turn the lights off..."

"woah they're really pretty. can we keep it like this?"

"you're okay with only the stars?"

"yeah"

"are you sure?"

"yeah"

"pinky promise?"

"pinky promise"

-

"hey that's not fair ty. this is the third time you beat me in this game"

"s'not my fault you're so bad at this game"

"hey don't stick your tongue out at me, it is your game. you know it better"

"i don't really feel like playing anymore. wanna play truth or dare?"

"sure"

"truth or dare, josh?"

"umm, truth"

"who do you like?"

"you"

"no, i mean like-like"

"you"

"really?"

"yeah"

"that's so cool josh! okay, my turn. i choose truth"

"who do you like?"

"i don't like anyone right now"

"oh. that's okay, okay my turn. i choose... dare"

"i dare you to kiss me"

"what? actually?"

"yeah i wanna have my first kiss already, i'm not going to be 9 forever"

"yeah same here... sure let's do it"

"that's what all the excitement was about? kissing isn't even that cool"

"hah... yeah... i know right?"

"hey, joshie?"

"yeah?"

"do you think you'll like-like me forever?"

"yeah"

"pinky promise?"

"pinky promise"

-

"hey, josh! are you going to jenna's birthday party next week?"

"yeah, she just gave me the card at recess. 'you are invited to celebrate jenna's 11th birthday'"

"it's at a rollerblading place and they're gonna play music"

"and?"

"they're gonna play slow songs... like lovey songs"

"... and?"

"c'mon josh can't you piece it together yet? i'm going to ask jenna to skate with me at one of the lovey songs. do you think she'll like it?"

"oh... right... i don't know... she might like it"

"is something wrong josh?"

"no nothing... i'm fine, i'm just a little tired... maybe just because it's friday haha"

"okay dude"

-

"hey josh"

"hey debby"

"isn't jenna's party so fun?!"

"i guess so, i just have nothing to do when the slow songs play"

"me neither. maybe we could skate together during the slow songs?"

"i..."

"as friends! i don't have a crush on you or anything, you just look bored"

"well as friends, then sure"

"look they're playing a slow song now, let's go join tyler and jenna"

-

"josh, my mom said we can order pizza as long as we order right now, she doesn't want us eating too late at night"

"okay is the usual fine?"

"yeah. so... what's with you and debby?"

"what? what do you mean?"

"she's liked you since grade 3 man. and you guys have been hanging out a lot since grade 4. everyone just kind of assumed you guys were dating"

"two years? people have been thinking we've been dating for two years and no one's bothered to tell me?"

"well, i thought it was just obvious"

"i don't like debby like that. she's one of my best friends-"

"ouch. friendzoned"

"-but i just don't want to date her"

"who do you want to date then?"

"...um, well nobody right now i guess. i don't really understand crushes"

"when you find a girl or guy you like you better tell me, okay josh?"

"okay"

"pinky promise?"

"man ty, that's getting old. we're thirteen now, do we really-"

"pinky promise?"

"ugh. pinky promise"

-

"i finally convinced jenna to get instagram"

"why'd you do that ty?"

"so we can have each other's initials in each other's bio"

"oh"

"josh? do you not like jenna?"

"what? why would you ask that?"

"every time i bring her up or talk about how we do stuff together or stuff like that you like... shut down. it seems like you don't like her"

"how do i shut down?"

"your answers are always 'oh' or 'cool' or 'nice'. you always look more distant and faded. is it because you don't like jenna? please tell me the truth"

"no nono jenna is great"

"are you sure?"

"yeah she's a really good friend to me"

"good because i don't want my best friend to hate my girlfriend"

"i don't hate her"

"pinky promise?"

"tyyyyylerrrrrr"

"joshhh"

"fine. pinky promise"

-

"i'm gonna ask jenna to the halloween dance"

"no shit"

"no but this one is gonna be more special. i asked my mom if i could take her to dinner after the dance and she said yes. you know, my parents really like jenna"

"do they know you've 'officially' been together for almost two years?"

"has it been two years already? we've been together since we were 12? woah"

"woah indeed"

"i didn't know someone could tolerate me for that long"

"i could"

"yeah, but i mean like to date. 'i didn't know someone could tolerate dating me for that long' is what i meant"

"oh... right... that's what you meant... okay"

"are you gonna ask debby?"

"i thought you knew how i feel about debby"

"yeah but... she has the biggest crush on you. can't you give it a shot?"

"ty... i-"

"oH. we could go on a double date after the dance if you go with debby. josh pleeeaaaaseeee"

"tyler..."

"do it for me pleeeaaaase"

"well, when you make that face i can't say no. but you have to promise one thing"

"anything! anything! any! thing!"

"i get to sit beside you when we eat"

"yes! that's doable! okay!"

"pinky promise?"

"pinky promise"

-

"did you know that jenna's first kiss was with me?"

"i didn't"

"she asked me who my first kiss was"

"what did you say?"

"i told her that it was her"

"did you actually?"

"yeah, if i told you she would have been disappointed because you know, it's against god's wishes"

"what?"

"no josh, she supports you being bi and all. and you know i've always supported you, it's more of... i don't know... it wasn't even like, a legit kiss, right? like my first real kiss was with jenna because she's a girl, right?"

"listen tyler. im going to try to say this in the least cocky way possible. saying that two guys kissing isn't a legit kiss, makes me feel like you believe that the only relationships that are valid are straight ones. it's like saying you support your lgbtqa+ friends but don't want lgbtqa+ relationships in disney movies because you don't want your fucking kids seeing that. no, tyler, it's my turn to talk. you are not supporting me by telling other people that our kiss 'wasn't even like, a legit kiss' just so those people still like you. the way you could have supported me was by telling jenna the fucking truth and telling her that if it's disappointing to know her boyfriend's first kiss was with a guy, she should just walk away. that's what being a fucking ally means, tyler"

"no josh. wait. josh! come back!"

-

"josh please, that fight was two months ago. i didn't mean it. why are you still ignoring me? can't you please act like a 16 year old and talk shit out?"

"i just don't want to associate myself with people that don't actually care about me. i cared about you tyler"

"i cared about you, too. fuck, i still care about you. you're the only friend i've ever known"

"i didn't mean... never mind"

"please. if it makes you feel better i told jenna. i told jenna the truth"

"i don't- wait really?"

"yeah. she was upset at first but i told her what you told me"

"did you guys break up?"

"no we took a break but we're back together now"

"oh..."

"can you forgive me josh?"

"i always give in to you. i do. i do forgive you"

"pinky promise?"

"yeah pinky promise"

-

"i can't believe you and debby are finally a thing. took you long enough"

"yeah i guess so"

"for a guy who just got his first girlfriend, you don't seem very excited"

"how so?"

"like, when jenna and i first started going out, i would bore you with how cool she was and i'd get excited over seeing her wear new shoes. little things like that. you don't do that about debby"

"debby's really cool but, i don't know how i really feel about her yet. plus, you and jenna started going out in grade 5, grade 11 is way different than grade 5"

"fair point. but, hahaha you look at me with bigger heart-eyes than you do to debby"

"what? no"

"chill josh, it was only a joke"

"oh, right"

-

"debby where are you going? just because we have this one fight, you think we should break up?"

"no josh, it isn't that. i see the way you look and talk to tyler. i know you love him-"

"what? how-"

"joshie, please. i've known since i met you at jenna's birthday. at first, i thought you liked jenna and that's why you always wanted to be around her and ty so much. i realized last year that i was wrong this whole time. i never said anything because i thought you'd come to me, but obviously, even you barely realize the infatuation you have with that boy"

"i..."

"don't you think it would be less complicated if we were just friends? you need someone to talk to and i just want to be there for you"

"yeah, i guess you're right. i'm sorry..."

"hey, honey, don't be sorry. hey, come here. it's okay. you're safe here. it's gonna be okay. don't cry, it's gonna be okay. why don't i make us some tea, okay josh?"

-

"josh do you think we're drifting further apart?"

"where did that come from?"

"i don't know. jenna says that whenever we all hang out, you just gaze at me with a kind of sad look on your face. as if you miss me or something, i dunno"

"i think that might just be the depression"

"is it getting worse?"

"the depression? yeah but let's not talk about that"

"what do you mean 'let's not talk about that'? your mental health is important. have you been taking your pills?"

"yes"

"have you been going to therapy?"

"no, but my mom forces me to go sometimes, so that's a thing"

"josh... you really need to go to therapy to get better. the pills alone won't help you"

"i know i just... maybe it's just the process of applying to university and stuff has been stressful. just a couple more months and we graduate, things will get better"

"fuck yes. i can't wait. but... you promise if you feel down or have some not-so-good thoughts, you'll come to me before doing anything you'll regret?"

"yes i promise"

"but do you pinky promise?"

"ughhhh yes tyler, yes i pinky promise"

"you also have to pinky promise me that you'll stay alive"

"what?"

"stay alive. you have to promise me you won't kill yourself"

"tyler, i'm not going to commit suicide"

"so then this promise will be easy for you. pinky promise?"

"pinky promise"

-

"finaaaaalllyyyyyyy"

"i can't believe we just fucking graduated josh, i swear ms.d wanted me held back"

"ty, you are not bad at math don't say that"

"i never said that's why she wanted me held back"

"TYLER OHMYGO D! no! don't wink like that aH stopppp"

"mmmm ms.d wanting my d oooh pict-"

"i don't want to picture it! tyler stop oh god"

"let's get out of this shithole school and party. look there are debby and jenna"

-

"josh how have you been holding up? how's university for you?"

"it's good so far, my classes are fairly easy. i just... i miss you so much. couldn't you not live all the way across the earth?"

"honey, i do not live all the way across the earth. we facetime and call almost every day. i'm only a half an hour drive away. you're welcome to visit whenever. mi casa es tu casa"

"you're coming next weekend though, right debby?"

"yep. anyway, how are things with tyler? did you finally get over him? you must've met a lot of new people by now, right?"

"yeah i've met some new people... but nothing has really changed with tyler yet. why'd you make that face? what's on your mind?"

"like... we're still pretty young but... josh, tyler and jenna have been together for as long as anyone can remember..."

"yeah, way to point out the obvious, debs... why'd you bring that up?"

"i mean... like i said, we're still pretty young, but they've been together for so long... don't you think there's a chance they'll get married sometime in the future? what do you expect to happen joshie? that they're going to break up and you'll come and sweep tyler off his feet, making him realize he's been in love with you this whole time?"

"i... i never really thought about it..."

"life isn't like the movies, josh. what do you like about tyler, anyway?"

"everything. the smile he gives you when you make him laugh, you can't help but smile along with him, share his joy. the way his eyes light up when he hasn't seen you in a while, the way a small puppy does when you get home. the way he still makes me pinky promise him to do shit as if we're still eight years old and not eighteen. the way he sings. god his voice. it's like hearing a symphony of angels appear right in that very room-"

"joshie, honey, the question was rhetorical. but thank you for zoning out in pure lust"

"sorry debby. i can't help it"

"oh poor joshie. you're in love with a straight boy"

-

"hey josh. what're you doing on the bridge?"

"i was just takin a walk. it's a nice day outside, don't you think, ty?"

"it's cloudy. and it's starting to rain"

"nice, isn't it?"

"i guess so. why don't we get you home josh?"

"i don't wanna go home"

"have you been drinking? josh, your doctor says that it's not good to mix alcohol with your antidepressants"

"i have not been drinking. in fact. i think you have been drinking. why don't we get _you_ home, tyler joseph?"

"josh you're slurring your words. let me walk you to your dorm"

"hehe"

"josh stop touching my hair. you need to stop drinking on weeknights. you're going to do worse in school"

"oh fuck school. we're all gonna die anyway. i might die tomorrow, who knows?"

"don't say that josh. you are not going to die tomorrow. that's why you have to stop drinking at five in the afternoon on a wednesday. because you will live a long time and you want to have a good job during those years. will you stop drinking for me josh?"

"drinking isn't even bad. i feel so nice and looOooOse right now. i feel so calm and look at how stressed you look. your eye bags are so deep. and now look at me. look at how i'm g l o w i n g"

"josh promise me you'll stop drinking on weeknights"

"mMm tyler. no can do"

"josh i need you to pinky promise me you'll stop doing this. pinky promise me you'll stop drinking weeknights"

"tyler. i have never broken a pinky promise. if i pinky promise you now, i am certain i will break that promise, and i don't want to do that to you"

"josh you really make me worry sometimes-"

"shHh ty. it's okay. i'm okay"

"but that's the thing. you have yourself convinced that you're okay when you clearly aren't. you know, it's okay to not be okay"

"goodnight tyler:

"no i'm gonna stay with you today, we haven't hung out in a while"

"mi casa tu es casa. haha. 'tu es casa'"

"before we hang out, please go shower"

-

"hey josh can i ask you something?"

"what do you want, tyler?"

"why'd you stop taking your pills?"

"because i don't need them"

"yes you do josh. did your doctor tell you so or did you just decide you don't need them?"

"my doctor's a dumbass. i don't need therapy and i don't need the pills"

"why are you acting like this, josh? when did you stop taking your pills? when did you start smoking? when did you start skipping lectures? and why do you still drink every day? josh your life is going to shit"

"tyler, this is my life. i can make my own choices. i just don't want to waste my money on those pills. they don't help anyway"

"but you can waste your money on alcohol and cigarettes? only a year ago you were telling me you'd try to cut down on drinking. and now look. why are you doing this to yourself? is it because you found out jenna and i are engaged? i knew you never liked-"

"tyler! tyler, my dear, i don't give a shit about jenna. the only reason i'm her friend is because of you. if she makes you happy, get married. i don't give a fuck. if you want to have a family and raise kids, go do that shit. but please don't tell me how to live my life"

"josh. please. please try to get better. do it for me. at least try. can you do that for me josh?"

"tyler, i'm far from the possibility of being saved. but if that's what you want, you know all i've ever wanted to do was to make you happy. i could try but i can't promise you anything"

"at least promise me you'll try, josh"

"i..."

"please. do it for me. pinky promise?"

"pinky promise"

-

"hey jen. have you seen josh?"

"no babe, why is something wrong?"

"no i just... it's usual for josh to go for weeks without contacting anyone but it's been almost a month. should i be worried?"

"when was the last time you heard from him?"

"i've been texting him daily but he last answered my text three weeks ago. things feel different this time"

"why don't you go check up on him?"

"yeah i'll go do that"

-

"josh? josh open the door. josh i don't have your key. can you please come open the door?"

-

"debby has josh talked to you anytime in the past three weeks or so?"

"i talked to him two weeks ago. he was acting really odd. is everything okay with him?"

"i'm not sure. how was he acting weirdly?"

"he seemed very distant and he kept mentioning how much he loves the water. i'm not sure. can you keep me updated if anything happens?"

"sure thing debby"

-

"josh are you here? josh please please please"

tyler stood on the bridge overlooking the river, quietly begging for josh to appear somehow. tyler prayed he would find josh stumbling around town, drunk and a cigarette between his lips. he noticed josh's pair of vans sitting on the river bank, his sweater neatly folded and placed beside the shoes. josh, however, was nowhere in sight. tyler quickly made his way around the bridge's edge and jogged down the slope towards josh's belongings.

tyler had many horrid envisions as to why josh left his clothes along the water's edge. he could not stop them from flooding his mind. he crouched down to examine his best friend's clothes. the shoes left no clue to where josh could be, and the hoodie had nothing in its pocket. tyler cursed and punched the ground with his fist, then cursed again from pain. he gathered the items and rose up from the ground to make his way home. that's when, from the corner of his eye, tyler noticed a sheet of lined paper- which was carefully folded- fall from the hoodie he had in his hands. before the wind could pull the paper along, tyler grabbed for it greedily. when he opened it he noticed josh's messy handwriting on the page.

 

 

"to whoever crosses paths with this note,

i knew that a death by my own hand was as inevitable as the rain in the spring months.

and i'm sorry you are the one who has to read about it. but you see,

it's hard to be alive and well when you are dreaming dead.

it's hard to live your life as a lie.

it's hard to live and see the man of your dreams unknowingly break your heart a little more each and every day.

tyler if you somehow find this, i just want to apologize. there is so much i have wanted to tell you, but nevermind that.

it's useless now.

i'm sorry for being the worst friend out there, and being so cold all the time. truthfully, i thought i was protecting myself.

protecting myself by refraining myself from falling in love with you. i sure as hell did a poor job of it because i fell. i fell hard.

i'm sorry for not being there for you and jenna when all the two of you ever did was endlessly love and support me.

when we were nine, i pinky promised i would 'like-like' you forever. this promise i kept.

the one and only pinky promise i had ever broken was the one we made when we graduated.

i'm sorry i couldn't stay alive.

i really tried, ty, i did.

i tried for you.

but the pain in my chest and

the whispers in my head were too much.

please forgive me.

and pinky promise me that you'll try, too.

i tried for you, now you have to try for me.

can you do that for me, ty?

can you try for me?

pinky promise?

-josh"


End file.
